Q: My partner takes too long to ejaculte, to the point that it likks my excitement and desire to have sex or continue. What can I do to save our sex life?
A: It looks like your partner has a delayed ejaculation (ED) problem. Delayed ejaculation refers to a difficulty or inability of a man to reach an orgasm and to ejaculate semen. It can have a psychological or biological cause. There can also be overlap between the two.
Physical causes of delayed ejaculation include:
Medication side effects: use of antidepressants, anti-anxiety drugs, blood pressure medication, painkillers, and other medications.
Alcohol or the use of certain recreational drugs can have an impact.
Increasing age can decrease the sensitivity of the penis to sexual stimulation.
It is more likely that delayed ejaculation has a psychological basis if a man is able to ejaculate normally when masturbating, but experiences a delay during sex with a partner. Some psychological factors can be:
unexpressed anger
unwillingness to enjoy pleasure
religious belief, perhaps that sexual activity is a sin
fear of pregnancy
issues of lost confidence or performance anxiety - for example, anxiety about body image that interrupts the process of sexual stimulation
always ejaculating while watching porn.
Certain types of masturbatory behavior may also play a role in developing delayed ejaculation if:
masturbating more often, typically more than three times a week
having a style of masturbation that cannot be matched by sexual intercourse, particularly a high speed, high pressure, or high-intensity form
if the partner's hand, mouth, or vagina is unable to easily duplicate the learned style
the sex partner differs from the fantasy used during masturbation to reach an orgasm.
In order for you to know how to improve your sexual life, I’d recommend first to find what is causing delayed ejaculaton. Speak to your partner openly and advise him pay a visit to his doctor to perform necessary tests. If it turns out that the ED is caused by some psychological issue, maybe you should discuss with your partner ways how you can solve this problem together whether it’s changing the unhealthy habits or making your sex more visual and playful. Or even going together to the psychotherapist. If your partner doesn’t see ED as problem and isn’t willing to collaborate on improving your sexual life, you should probably reconsider your relationship with him. Otherwise it will be nearly impossible to resolve this issue with your one-sided initiative especially knowing that he is the one who should be taking care of it.
