These 8 things you can do to make your Afterplay turn into amazing bonding experience.

Updated: Jan 9, 2019

Photo credit: Natalie Poette

In one of our previous posts  we already discussed the importance of the Afterplay and ways how  it affects the quality of the relationship overall. Intercourse and orgasm are the most profound changes in consciousness most human beings ever experience.The period following lovemaking is a time of relaxed awareness and heightened sensitivity, a time centered in the present. As such, it plays a significant part in determining how often we have sex and how happy we are with our sexual relationship. It is a special time which can be used to improve a relationship overall and make us more whole.(1)

This article is mostly influenced by a intensive research done by Ph.D. James Halpern and Ph.D. Mark Sherman, professors of Psychology at the State University of New York and their book “Afterplay: A key to Intimacy”. Their research is truly demonstrates how the time spent right after sex affects the satisfaction in a couple with each other and how it affects emotional state of each partner individually.

We don’t know how your Afterplay looks like, but we would like using the data provided by Halpern and Sherman research, to show in this post what afterplay activity makes majority of women and man happy and fulfilled.

A key hormone released during sex is oxytocin, also known as the ‘cuddle hormone’.  It’s also the key to bonding, as it increases levels of empathy especially in both men and women.. It is important to feel safe, intimate and have the feelings of togetherness.  These are some of the things that people like to do after sex to feel close and united:


“To speak not at all. To hug very tightly, then to lie quietly and have my mate touch me, rub my head and scratch my back” (man, 33)

“I like to be close to my partner; I like physical contact. I like him to kiss me and hold me, rub my back and play with my hair” (woman, 31)

“Right after we have had sex, I want my partner to be as loving and as affectionate as before” (woman, 29)

“I like to be so close that I can feel and hear her breathing. I like to touch her hair and feel her long nails go up and down my back and my legs” (man, 36)


2. Loving words

“I would like my partner to tell me how much he loves me and how beautiful he thinks I am.” (woman, 41)

“Knowing that my partner has been satisfied and is happy gives me a tremendous amount of pleasure.” (man, 27)

“I love you.” (woman, 32)

“I like to feel she thought I was the greatest.” (man, 60)

3. Conversation

“I like to laugh and play and express fantasies and dreams. I like to decide together, verbally, when we are ready to either fall asleep or get up to dress or whatever.” (woman, 23)

“Talking while we are naked is the ideal hour-after-intercourse experience. Talking not necessarily about sex, but just sharing feelings and thoughts.” (woman, 24)

“I have no real love relationship at this time, When I did, however, the best after-intecourse activity was the caring, sensitive communication that occured. This special close communication and sharing experience which is really different from the actual sex, makes the sex better.” (man, 30)

“I have a feeling of great well-being, relaxation, and emotional closeness. I am able to talk more easily in areas which are usually closed. We talk about our sexual fantasies, our previous experiences, and our feelings for each other. My emotions are more available and less inhibited in conversation.” (woman, 31)

4. Relaxing

“I like to cuddle and fall asleep together.” (man, 28)

“I like to feel warm and secure and relaxed afterwards and anything that would contribute to this state would be welcome.” (woman, 26)

“I enjoy being relaxed enough to fall asleep while we embrace.” (woman, 22)

“Relaxed quiet atmosphere would be the best with no demands.” (man, 22)

5. Privacy and Quiet

“I just like to be together, with no interruptions from children or phones, etc.” (woman, 32)

“I don’t like instructions, I couldn’t stand the thought of getting up and doing anything.” (man, 26)

“The best atmosphere would be where there could be no phone to ring or any other interruptions including sleep.” (woman, 30)

6. Soft Lights and Music

“Low music in the background, soft love music, with just one candle burning.” (woman, 25)

“I love to look at her hair and nipples in the flickering light and watch her looking at me. I sometimes can’t believe it’s happening.” (man, 36)

“A dim light, like a candle, maintains the mood, but I like to be able to see her. Looking at each other in such lighting and realizing that you really have each other feels wonderful.” (man, 28)

7. Bathing

“My ideal situation is to shower with my partner and then start making love again.” (man, 35)

“I like to shower with my lover. We soap each other up and softly wash each other from head to toe, I love to kneel down and wash his legs, ass, and gently wash his penis.” (woman, 31)

“I’d love to jump into a pool” (woman, 22)

8. Food and Drink

“A big bowl of strawberries and watermelon or some wine.” (man, 26)

“A bottle of wine, we share one glass. Some bread, cheese, fruit to nibble, we share with each other, feeding each other.” (woman, 23)

“After sex, the only thing I love to eat (except of  my partner, of course) are quite and juicy fruits - pears, peaches, and plums. Sometimes fruit and nuts are nice, too.” (man, 25)

If two people love each other and are interested in sharing themselves and their activities, the Afterplay will be good for both of them.

“The activities are vary and I feel are not as important as the mood and feelings are.” (man, 44)

“Whatever we do, it is the good warm feeling in us and between us that is there.” (woman, 35)

In the reports above, we can see that afterplay is an emotional extent of sexual intercourse which both men and women view as a whole experience rather than one simply made up of it’s parts.

To learn the full study, we do recommend to read “Afterplay: The key to Intimacy” by Ph.D. James Halpern and Ph.D. Mark Sherman that could be find here.

We appreciate, if you will share in this anonymous and intimate section below comments about  

“What Afterplay activity makes you feel good or will make you feel good?”.

#afterplay #love #relationship #sex #intimacy #emotionalintimacy #bonding

Disclaimer: The content material is only informative and academic in nature and shouldn’t be construed as medical recommendation.

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