The very first date with a new potential mate over delicious dinner at the cosy beautiful restaurant creates amazing romantic vibe and not really welcomed tension about what is going to happen after the dinner? Are we going to have sex tonight or not? The opinions here differ. Some people as we say “go with a flow” and some people like “to play it by the rules”. Neither is right or wrong. We just all have different sociosexual orientation!
If you are not familiar with this term, “sociosexual orientation” is is the individual difference in the willingness to engage in sexual activity. Someone with a more restricted sociosexual orientation are less willing to engage in casual sex; they prefer greater love, commitment and emotional closeness before having sex with romantic partners. Individuals who have a more unrestricted sociosexual orientation are more willing to have casual sex and are more comfortable engaging in sex without love, commitment or closeness.
If the individual identify with the restricted type, the chances that sex will happen on the first or even classic third date are pretty low. We must understand that there is nothing wrong with them. It’s just their orientation. Their values. Their way of perceiving the development of intimacy in the relationship and we shouldn’t treat it like the lack of sexual interest or signs of asexuality.
Gay and bisexual men are similar to heterosexual men in sociosexual attitudes, in that they express relatively unrestricted attitudes relative to women. However, gay men are the most unrestricted in sociosexual behavior, followed by bisexual men and then, heterosexual men.
So why it’s important to know your sociosexual orientation? It will now only help you to understand better yourself, but also will help you to evaluate your partner.
Usually, unrestricted sociosexuality is:
lower on honesty-humility,
attracted to risk,
Higher masculinity and eveningness in women is related to unrestricted sociosexuality. High self-monitoring is also associated with unrestricted sociosexuality, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.
People who think that they go together tend to agree with statements like, “I do not want to have sex with a person until I am sure that we will have a long-term, serious relationship” have restricted sociosexuality. They usually wait till the emotional connection established between partners so that sexual intercourse will be a way to deepen that connection and strengthen the emotional bond.
Understanding differences in sociosexual orientation is crucial when it comes to deciding whether its time to get intimate or not. The early, unwilling sexual contact (especially for women) can hurt emotionally and psychologically if it goes against someone’s values. It will also hurt the newly forming relationship because putting restricted and an unrestricted person together might be challenging for them to get on the same page.
Different things work well for different people depending on their personalities, so figure out first where your comfort zone is—and then your partner’s, — rather than subscribing to some arbitrary rule (“now or never” or “3d date only”) and waste each other’ time…
Schmitt, D. P. (2007). "Sexual strategies across sexual orientations: How personality traits and culture relate to sociosexuality among gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and heterosexuals". Journal of Psychology and Human Sexuality.
Yost, M. R.; Zurbriggen, E. L. (2006). "Gender differences in the enactment of sociosexuality: An examination of implicit social motives, sexual fantasies, coercive sexual attitudes, and aggressive sexual behavior". Journal of Sex Research.
Disclaimer: The content material is only informative and academic in nature and shouldn’t be construed as medical recommendation.